My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
