I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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