he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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