She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize