Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
