white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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