hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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