Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
