then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
