I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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