So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
