Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
4 words: hood of his car
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
