I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize