Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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