i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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