i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
