I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I had to cum in my sink.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
