next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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