i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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