he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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