I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just google imaged poop.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
