Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
