I want to stick my p in your. b.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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