dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
