I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
