Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
