Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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