thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize