omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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