then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
