I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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