its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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