3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My penis needs a shock collar
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
