my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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