U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
