forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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