She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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