I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize