You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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