I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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