So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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