just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
