I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
