Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
