We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
