he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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