she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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