so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
