im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
