Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
