Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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