me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
