And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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