I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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