If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
