how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
