he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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