I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
