I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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