Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
