at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
