The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
