You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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