He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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