handjob tips. give me some.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
