you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
