Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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