Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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