why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
