I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize