a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize