i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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