He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
