pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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