Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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