And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
