I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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