Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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