It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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