You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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