hotel room ftw
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
