this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish i was in the wii world.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize