we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
