Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
