Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize