Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
