i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
