I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
