I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
