The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
