Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
