If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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