This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
