There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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