i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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