Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
