she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ketchup is God's man juice
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
