Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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