Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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