Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
