you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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