I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
