Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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