wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
