Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
