so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
