if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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