The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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