I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
