i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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