i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
